Us Vs Them: Why Sobriety Wasnt the Marriage Saver I Thought It Would Be

Relationship issues don’t just go away when drinking or drug use stops. New sobriety leaves a hole that needs to be filled in the partner. Remember, all partner’s physical and mental efforts https://stylevanity.com/2023/07/top-5-questions-to-ask-yourself-when-choosing-sober-house.html were geared towards manipulating the person with the substance abuse disorder and controlling the addiction. CAP, ICADC, CHC CEO and President at The Shores Treatment & Recovery of Florida.

  • And it sounded to me like it actually worked for them, it didn’t really escalate, like it often does for partners, you know, and they enjoy the time together.
  • A good first port of call is your GP.
  • And it was when I didn’t drink a ton.

Unkept promises, unreliability, unpaid bills, arguments, dissolution of intimacy, the increasing loneliness and unhappiness of the partner – all this is seen as nothing to do with the alcohol. For some reason, nobody had told us that life after rehab would be quite so challenging – or if they had, we weren’t listening. We were too busy dreaming of our perfect marriage, alcoholism tightly shut away in a box marked DO NOT OPEN, and in its place a harmonious family that had conquered addiction. Alexis “Lexi” Thomas serves as Admission Specialist for Burning Tree Programs. Holding a Bachelor’s degree in Public Health from the University of Arizona, Lexi lends passion, knowledge, and insight to the admissions process.

What is Substance Abuse Treatment?

Going for help is positive and should never be used against someone to tear them down. Friends and family members need to see you “walking the walk” to demonstrate that you are serious about your recovery. Trust is the foundation of the relationship between romantic partners. When addiction appears, it can wear down trust over time or shatter it all at once, depending on circumstances. Once compromised, trust is very challenging to get back. When my wife was still frustrated, untrusting, and sad in my early sobriety, it made me angry.

  • But really what we’re talking about underneath Edie, contemptuous remark, I default to this idea that well, it isn’t because the person is a bad person, let’s not default to that.
  • I didn’t realize that that was going on for you.

In turn, this provides motivation and positivity. Additionally, this will benefit the marriage as this new positive outlook and healthy habits rub off on their partner. Intimate partners often endure lying, and emotional detachment, along with potentially dangerous consequences such as exposure to criminal behavior and emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. Additionally, addiction strains finances when money is diverted away from crucial household expenses to fund the addiction. This financial burden can further worsen underlying tensions and become a source of ongoing stress and conflict between partners.

Addiction and Relationship Statistics

When someone struggles with addiction, they may withdraw emotionally from their partner, leading to isolation and loneliness. Their mood swings and irritability can make it hard to connect with their partner, leading to a breakdown in the relationship. Codependency is similar to enabling, but codependent individuals often get involved in relationships that are one-sided. They may feel overwhelmed by their partner’s needs but have an overwhelming sense to take care of that person. Even in a healthy relationship, honesty and trust are key. Reduced trust usually leads to other issues such as anger, jealousy, fear, and resentment.

We have our moments—great moments—and they are getting better, they are getting more frequent, but it is still work. We still have a lot of work to do and, unfortunately, we are still victims of our past. It is what we do with that past that defines us, not what has happened. My depression intensified and I sought therapy. It took time but I began to speak out about our struggles, about the violence, and about the strained state of our relationship. With each week I got stronger, and the stronger I got, the further I found myself from him.

Addiction Treatment Services

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Hello Someday Podcast. If you’re interested in learning more about me or the work I do or accessing free resources and guides to help you build a life you love without alcohol, please visit hellosomedaycoaching.com. And I would be so grateful if you would take a few minutes to rate and review this podcast so that more women can find it and join the conversation about drinking less and living more. So is this something like an unfulfilled dream for me, you don’t you my partner do not have to have that same dream.

He learned state statutes and regulations, and studied counseling practices from several angles. This eventually led him back to school for a degree in psychology. It became Lyle’s passion to learn how to provide the best care possible and be able to treat people for the duration they needed as an individual, not the duration their bank account mandated. Lyle was VP of a 6-county homeless coalition and a founding member of the Mental Health Action Team in Miami-Dade County. He has served as a Consultant & Licensure Specialist to numerous facilities and has served as a Drug Court Panel member.

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